Bad Doggy

As many Americans, I have a beloved dog that I have grown close to over the years. From trips into the woods to find deer, to swimming in one of the local lakes, to having her lay with me in front of the fireplace on a cold winter night, we have shared many moments together.

But this story is not about this particular dog and many fond moments we have shared together. In keeping with the shameless themes of this blog, this story has to do with the pursuit of a woman, questions to my manliness, my quest to reclaim said manliness, and the resulting head and neck injuries.

I had come to know a girl that for the sake of the story we will call DD which in terms of breast measurement, couldn't be further from the truth. DD came across as very quiet and somewhat reserved girl but not to the point where I expected her to join the nunnery. A very petite girl with long blond hair, green eyes, and from Florida, she seemed to be a mixture of nice surfer girl and ambitious professional. The thing is, I had a feeling there was more to the story. Maybe it was the tramp stamp, possibly the tongue ring, or the fact that I knew while in an inebriated state, she had once auditioned at a strip club during peak hours. It had become my mission to peel back the layers of this onion to see if she could truly make me cry.

We had gone out a few times together over the course of a few months, each time getting only as far as some hypothetical dirty talk of what it would be like to hook up. As like most guys in their early 20's being full of nothing more than stupid thoughts and protein, I went straight for the kill instead of enjoying the hunt which inevitably left my balls more blue than a pair of denim pants. Typically the conversations would take place in one of our cars and be something like:

DD: I think sex with you would be a lot of fun
Me: Me too! I mean, with you that is
DD: Yeah, I think I want to but not tonight
Me: Why the fuck not!?
DD: Maybe we should go back

Sprinkled into the conversation would be failed attempts by me to show her I was a gentleman that was not out to just commit a hit and run on her.

So after numerous failed attempts at landing DD, I finally figured it was time to cut bait, lick my wounds, and move onto the next girl that after saying sex might be fun with me, would at least have the common courtesy to rough up the suspect if she wasn't willing to put the little villain into vaginal solitary confinement.

To my surprise about a week later, DD shows up at my door and it's after 9PM. For everyone in the building that knew me back then, I had a strict rule for any female that came to visit after 9. That rule was if I happened to open my door and invite you in, you were getting the VIP treatment and then getting out. If those conditions were not agreeable, you agreed to getting the door shut in your face. It was straight to the point and kept me from having to be the "really good guy" friend that listens to the late night sob stories of girls having problems with the other guy they were fucking instead of me.

I open the door and see DD there looking like she had just come in from having a few drinks with friends but didn't want the night to end. As per the regulations, I informed DD of the house rules and made clear there were no exemptions even to "friends". She walked in.

In being honest, I will admit to thinking based on all of our previous times together that I was going to either slip this girl a roofy or get ready to ice my balls for the night. I offered DD a drink but instead, she wanted a meal. Before I had time to get into my routine, DD had Thor's hammer in hand and was getting to the bottom of things. Nothing was really out of the ordinary at this point in terms of two young, hot adults getting ready to turn the room into CSI black light equivalent of finding the holly grail.

After about 30 minutes or so, it's time for a change of scenery and I'm ready to get a better view of that tattoo from the back side. Bow wow it's K9 time! As we find our rhythm, something tells me to give DD a nice tap on the ass as we are going for it. Normally, I'm not into S&M kind of stuff as the fight part of my fight or flight reflexes kick in. If you hit me it's instinct to hit you back. In this case though, I felt since I wasn't reacting and I was already pretty much tossing all of her 5'1" body across my bed, she might actually like it.

In having a better understanding of why the following events take place, it's important to know that I am fairly competitive by nature. When it comes to sex, this means a couple of things:

1. She has to cum at least twice before I get mine.
2. I like to feel that the work being put in, is of high quality

Back to the main event.

So up to this point, the first item has been accomplished as DD has cum a couple of times already. Things are going well. So while in doggy I decide to give DD's booty which, is almost begging for it, a nice little spank.

Swat to which DD replies, "harder"

"Are you shitting me" I think to myself. This chick is cool. Well, let me oblige that request... SWAT

Again she says, "harder"

Wait...What? Is she serious? OK, but she's asking for it. Pop!

With almost no hesitation and in between thrusts DD says, "harder"

OK, WTF!? Is this girl into getting her ass beat? Am I going to have to worry about charges in the morning? Hell, you only live once... POP!!

This pushes DD slightly forward and has me thinking, "yeah, take that shit. I bet you won't be asking for any more of that business"

In a competitive like moment that can only be compared to two cars being equal distance from the only remaining parking space left at the mall during holiday shopping, she looks me dead in the eye and says... "harder"

I'm confused, wondering if I'm some kind of pussy and then begin to take her commands as a direct challenge to my manhood. Who the hell does this girl think she is dealing with? I've never left a customer unsatisfied and I damn sure have never been punked by some girl that is on the verge of having to stand next to the "You must be this tall to ride" sign in bed. GAME ON!

I wait for DD to turn her head forward so that she cannot brace for what is coming. I fully extend my arm, twist slightly at the waist as to gain more leverage and momentum without disengaging, and release the same energy that used to power 80+ mile-per-hour fastballs.

BOOM!!!

Not only did DD not see it coming, I'm not sure she ever remembered it after that night as I had walloped this girl so hard that we disengaged sending her into a dual collision with the head board first, and then the wall. I only truly realized the magnitude of what had happened when after a moment, I noticed she appeared stuck to the wall like a fly on flypaper with her neck tucked into her shoulder. DD looked like a crash test dumby from the Mercedes factory.

"Oh shit" was followed by the obligatory "Are you alright" from me.

"Why did you hit me so hard"

"Because you were asking for it. What was I supposed to do"

"Keeping me out of the fucking wall would have been nice" which made me wonder if head boards were fair game.

At that moment, we both realized the moment was gone. After getting dressed and some self chiropractic measures to re-stabilize her neck, she decided to leave and I was back to square one with her... another late night ice session with the boys.

DD never really found the humor in the moment which ultimately lead to nothing more than a hello in passing.

I have learned two lessons from my experience with DD:

1. Never judge a little book by its cover
2. Before smashing your partner into the wall or any other object that may cause concussion, make sure to get yours.